All That I Need
by mxmsupporter
Summary: Matt's always worn gloves. It's not a big deal, actually. But what will happen when Mello gets to know what Matt's reason behind this is? I suck at summaries, so the content may be different... Or not. Look out for drama!


**A/N:** It's quite personal, actually. Dedicated to my friends so they will understand why I am weird recently.

**Suggested listening:** Linkin Park - Crawling, My Chemical Romance - Romance (No lyrics, haha)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Death Note nor any of the mentioned/quoted songs.

**All That I Need**

_All that I need is time for me to breath_

_Dream little dreams that only I believe_

_Now that I see beyond the light_

_I know I'll be, I'll be alright_

~ Sum 41 - "Skumfuk"

A familiar sensation cursed through his veins. His eyes watched the process with indifference. Skin... What's so disturbing in skin? And yet something ordered him to get rid of the annoying layer piece by piece.

Yes, it hurt.

Yes, stopping the crimson flow tended to be troublesome sometimes.

But as much as he wanted, he couldn't simply stop. Not when there was so much emptiness left to fill with a constant movement of his hands...

"Matt? What are you doing there? Get your lazy ass here!" somebody growled on the other side of the door. Matt sighed. If it only was that easy to call Mello "somebody". The blond was with him everywhere, no matter the hour or place. Because it's nearly impossible to throw one away from your heart, right? The redhead washed his hands, wincing when the water teased the soft flesh of his fingertips. It was getting worse lately, the skin disappearing from huge surfaces and Matt wasn't even sure _when _had that happened. It was even hard to play his games sometimes. Matt snorted, realizing what was the reason behind this. Exactly three weeks ago Mello called him. Nothing wrong with contacting your best friend, right?

Well...

Not after abandoning him almost 4 years before.

These three weeks were like a medicine to him, having to constantly check on Mello's healing wounds keeping him from self-harm. But could this be called self-harm if it's purpose wasn't to produce pain? Matt wasn't entirely sure why he's been doing that, only that it was hell of a time-consuming "hobby". Do you know the feeling of being completely worn-out but keeping on doing something? That was his everyday ritual.

After Mello's cheek started scarring, the unrelieved stress vented from him... Through the ripped skin.

Matt took his place by the blond, goggles down as he rubbed his eyes to prepare himself for long hours in front of a computer screen. "Matt, stop... Matt? What's that?" Oh shit. The gloves were left on the sink. Time to think of an answer, too bad that talking with Mello was like trying to pick the right wire to cut in a time bomb. "That... Wounds, I guess..." he answered, looking Mello straight in the eye. The blond looked shocked, a deep frown on his face. "Wounds..." he repeated dumbly. Then he snapped "Why would you do this shit to yourself, Matt?" the redhead scratched the back of his head with his right hand, feeling the left one being violently snatched by his companion. "Dunno... Just the need, I guess" Mello narrowed his eyes, inspecting the madly red skin. Matt glanced up at him, hoping that he would leave the problem alone. After a moment of staring, the blond started again. "Matt... I'm... I'm sure there is a reason" he was choosing his words cautiously, like he didn't want to scare off a rabbit he was chasing. "Tell me" he took the other hand in his.

Mello's fingers were cold, Matt noticed. But the chill was somehow soothing, so much different from the heat his pulsating wounds produced. "Try to talk to me. Tell me... Tell me what's wrong" Matt chuckled humorlessly. He took his hands away and laced them on his lap. "There is no reason, Mel. I'm not stressed nor scared, if that's what you're afraid of. I'll stay by your side no matter-" "Mail"

Matt flinched at the use of his real name. So Mello was seriously worried... "Huh... Aren't you scared that Kira will hear you?" Mello's face stayed determined. "Stop joking. Matt, you've got a problem and as your friend I'm responsible-" "Yeah? As my friend? As a someone that fucking cares about me, huh?" Matt started shaking, his fingers immediately finding themselves to start a bloody dance. Mello slapped his hand, only to find his cheek slapped a second later. He rubbed the skin, obviously surprised. Matt was panting, eyes watering but rage seen in them.

"Stop fucking telling me how you are obliged to be with me! Don't make me stop when you have no right to do so! You _left_ _me_, Mello!" the blond opened his mouth to reply but was stopped by Matt standing up and throwing his arms up in anger. "But that wasn't that disturbing, no, I _can_ live without you, believe it or not... But then you've called" angry eyes looked down at the blond. "Yeah, I saved you. Yes, I treated your wounds. You even thanked me, how generous of you!" an unnatural chuckle shook through Matt. The redhead kept pacing from one side to the other of the room, ignoring the frozen statue on the couch that was once called Mello. "And now we're sitting in this shithole, monitoring a dumb blond with not much to entertain us. Do you know what I do? Do you know what I fucking do?" Matt rushed forward, pinning Mello by the shoulders to the sofa.

"Do you know, Mello..?" his voice broke on the few last syllables as the redhead was looking into the shocked blue eyes.

"I observe you. I try to remember everything of you, your every movement... I don't want to interfere in your work, I know beating Near is so damn important to you that it surely isn't normal..." he took a deep breath, his face now wet with tears. "And... and I try to... To make you see myself. To hear this beautiful "Thanks, Matt" again... To hear you laugh again, to see you smirk... I know damn well that it is sick when your life isn't worth living without this one person... But Mello... We could have so little time left..." he laid his head on Mello's shoulder, straddling him and sitting down, the now bloody fingers clutching at the fabric of the blond's black hoodie. "Please... Don't... Don't mark me as weak. I'll... I'll fight with it. I'll win, eventually... Mello..."

Matt flinched and then relaxed at the feeling of Mello's arms embracing him. "What... What do you want me to do?" the blond whispered, his throat squeezed. It doesn't happen often that the most important person in your life breaks down in front of you. Matt smiled softly, breathing in his favorite scent. "Just be there, Mels. Just be near me to let me cry on your shoulder when needed. Don't ask why, just... I will give you everything for that" Mello smiled, hugging Matt more tightly so the redhead wouldn't see the tears falling down his cheeks. "Deal"

How can you say that somebody is the most important person in your life? Is it the amount of time you spent with them, the interests you share or the fact that this person always makes you smile?

Matt has found his answer.

Everybody defends themselves from other people. No matter how opened you claim to be, there is always this little part of yourself that stays hidden in the corner... These barriers are like layers you've got to rip down.

Yes, it will hurt.

Yes, it will seem weird.

But when you get to the core of yourself and present it to this person, they won't throw it away. They will protect it in a way you would like it to be protected... Just like Matt knew Mello would do with himself.

**A/N:** Yeah, drama, drama... But this is basically what I seek for in life (but didn't find it yet, huh *sigh*).

I hope you don't feel like puking or sth ;p

Oh! Listen to Blue October's "Everlasting Friend" when you finish :D

With that said, I'm done. Thanks for reading and leave a review if it's not a huge problem :)


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